01/19/04

"...And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!" -Joel (as the Giant Gila Monster).

"Bad movie? You're soaking in it!" -Crow.

"Guys, did we just do an After-School Special, here?" -Tom Servo.

"Here, drink this. It'll make you feel American." -Crow (as Chase).

"I just want to know if the Lord said it this many times in a row." -Joel.

"I'll be using this condescending tone until the mid-70's." -Crow (as Chase).

"I sing whenever I sing whenever I..." -Chase Winstead.

"Sample my *fist*, you community theater reject!" -TV's Frank.

"They killed off the only likeable character!" -Crow.

"What are you wearing?... I'm putting my knee up right now... oh-h-h-h..." -Crow (as Chase).

"Whoa! Honey, speak English!" -Tom Servo.

"Would you forget the skid marks!!!" -Tom Servo.

And here are even more:

• Hey, hey, one at a time, we've only got one boom mike!
• Hey, let's go do some crimes, man!
• T: No, they can't elope, they're fruit, get it?
• C: What the heck are you saying?!
• "You work all the angles, don't you?" "I have to." T: I'm a geometry teacher.
• Oh, they've got this angle parking thing all wrong.
• Anything I could put my knee up on here, boy?
• Son? He called me son! No wonder mom cries when I mention the sheriff.
• T: Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!
• T: Kid, you're dumber than a bag of hammers.
• (for Gila monster) I don't make this noise myself, folks, it's called Foley. I'll be back later with another fun fact. Thanks and enjoy.
• (for man) I'll be using this condescending tone until the mid-70's.
• C: Wow, the first cool thing in the movie!
• Oedipus, you put me down, you'll poke your eyes out!
• Another plot? Awww, man...
• Aw, they killed off the only likeable character.

From The MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 - LIST OF LISTS
*From 402: "The Giant Gila Monster"
Things the Gila Monster "said"

"I'm feelin' mighty peckish. Snack time. Blalalalalala"
"I just love dining al fresco."
"I'll eat him with relish, heh heh. Lizard jokes, heh heh."
"Hey - can I bum a smoke?"
"Y'know, when I look at the human race I gotta laugh. I got a chick-pea for a brain and I'm still smarter than they are. Go figure. I'll be right back after these words."
"I sing whenever I eat the teens, I sing, blalalalala"
"I'm your boyfriend now. Blalalalala"
"Oh, I'm big, I'm really big, there's no way to describe just how enormous, but thanks for your patronage. Enjoy this next upcoming event from (Northwest?)."
"Now that was a huge log I was hauling earlier. I'm very immense, I'm huge, believe me, thanks a lot. Enjoy the rest of the show, and head out to the lobby and enjoy a delicious bon bon."
"I don't make this noise myself, folks, it's called `Foley.' I'll be back later with another fun fact. Thanks, and enjoy."
"Ah, don't drink that, that's my urine - I don't even do that."
"I like to watch. Blalalalala"
"No, we'll do it like this. Blalala"
"These kids today, I tell ya. Blalalala"
"Folks, I tried to get them to rewrite this scene. Next time I'll insist on final cut. Enjoy my special spring project."
"I sing whenever--oh, now I'm doing it. Ohhhh"
"I'm getting really hungry. I've gotta stop letting them get away, folks. Until next time, good night, and God bless."
"I just know I'm gonna take the blame for this, and I wasn't even close."
"Ooops, that's me, I did that, sorry."
"Billy goat, billy goat, get off my bridge, heh heh."
"mmmm I like butter, look - my chin's yellow, blalalalla, that means I like butter, blalalalala"
"Blalalalala!"
"Where's the dining car? Ha ha hah mmmmmm"
"mmmmmmblalalala hey - there's meat on the inside! blalalalala"
"Barbecue! Whoa! I don't know where to begin, it all looks so good."
"And the Lord said, `taste my lizard steel!' blalalalala"
"blalalalalalala"
"And the Lord said, `die children die.' blalalala"
"Hey - you forgot to stamp my hand, heh heh"
"Ow, ow, ow."
"Hey, leave me alone, I paid the cover."
"aaaaah, I can take a hint, I don't need a barn to fall on me, aaaaah"
"aaaah, I'm going back to Jurassic Park. Ah, fooey on you crummy townspeople."
"gotta drain the lizard, gonna go drain the lizard, that's what I'm doing, yup."
"I will prevail, I'm a survivor like Cher."
"It's show time - let's party blalalala"
"I saw this coming a long way away."
"the horror...the horror."